This is not your father's wrestling match (MMA article)

[atj-lucko]

Warning this Tom Powers is totally F%$king retarded.

Tom Powers: This is not your father's wrestling match
By Tom Powers
Pioneer Press

You know it's a rough sport when the crowd boos a fighter for taking too long to recover from a knee to the groin. Gasping and choking for such a protracted length of time, he bored the audience.

UFC: 87 at Target Center Saturday night was quite an experience. As it turns out, mixed martial arts fighting is much different in person than it is on TV. Home viewers can't get a sense of the blood lust emanating from the stands. And they can't see the sweat and small pieces of artery flying out of the octagon.

This is the new "big thing," of course. Non-stop cartoon violence come to life for the Internet Age.

It's as vicious as cockfighting, except you can't deep fry and eat the loser on a bun. Although a lot of fighters that looked like hamburger limped past the press table after their bouts.

And those were the winners.

OK, I admit to being a novice at watching mixed martial arts. I still instinctively turn my head away when it looks as if someone is going to have an arm snapped off. I cover my eyes when someone turns purple and stops breathing. But I'm going to stay with it.

These are the toughest guys I've ever seen in any sport, gymnasium or prison yard. The sport is relatively new, so there aren't any long-term studies. But it's hard to believe any of the fighters will live long lives. Their internal organs must resemble oatmeal. They clearly have incredibly high pain thresholds.

I've can't recall seeing a guy take a beating like the one Heath
Advertisement
Herring received from Brock Lesnar. Basically, Herring spent 15 minutes buried somewhere underneath Lesnar, who kneed, punched and elbowed his opponent at will. By the end of the match, Herring was one big, ugly lump.

Apparently, Lesnar is a legitimate UFC fighter. You never know about him. This might have been one of his whims, like playing in the NFL. But he really puts his wrestling background to good use in this sport. And if a guy gets too frisky against him, Lesnar just throws him to the mat and sits on him.

Afterward, he hammed it up pretty good, too, screaming into the microphone and egging the crowd on to new stages of euphoria. Finally, remembering that good heroes are supposed to be modest, he noted:

"I've just been trying to work on everything, every single day, to be a heavyweight contender in the UFC."

It was very interesting. Mixed martial arts fighting might be over the top, but it's a legitimate sport. There is skill involved. The combatants blend all the best techniques of boxing, wrestling, martial arts and first-degree assault.

I've always believed that half the world is in therapy, and it's the wrong half. Well, this sport is for the other half. It's a way to release aggression, anxiety, anger and many other harmful feelings. Fans just have to watch the action and scream wildly for whichever fighter is kicking butt at that particular time. Their eyes and neck veins bulge. They lose their voice. Then they feel better.

The Target Center crowd rivaled a jam-packed Metrodome in terms of sheer decibels. The people were absolutely nuts. And a disproportionate number were young males aged 18-28 or so. Talk about prime demographics. It's a pay-per-view gold mine.

Advertisers know exactly what appeals to this target audience — beer, cars, beer, fast food and beer. With the money that this extravaganza generated, there will be more of these events to come in the Twin Cities. The sport still is in its infancy.

Granted, the way we're headed, the next "big thing" in this country will be the National Decapitation League. A couple of guys will be given machetes and thrust into a steel cage. The first one to lop off the other fellow's head will be declared the winner.

We aren't there yet. But we're getting close.

Mixed martial arts, despite all the different techniques and moves, still resembles street brawling but with a few key rules to maintain some semblance of decency. For example, spitting officially is not allowed. Neither is "putting a finger into any orifice" of any opponent.

But I'm sure we'll soon have a breakaway association that allows spitting and orifice poking. From there, we're just a short step from the machetes.

Until then, mixed martial arts will remain the sport positioned closest to the edge.
Tom Powers can be reached at tpowers@pioneerpress.com.

[YYZ]

"OK, I admit to being a novice at watching mixed martial arts. I still instinctively turn my head away when it looks as if someone is going to have an arm snapped off. I cover my eyes when someone turns purple and stops breathing." - Tom Powers

What a pussy. He probably thinks doggie style is demeaning, too.

[Nate_Deezy]

Dude....the National Decapitation League would be BAD ASS.

[Quintessential Studmuffin]

OK, I admit to being a novice at watching mixed martial arts. I still instinctively turn my head away when it looks as if someone is going to have an arm snapped off. I cover my eyes when someone turns purple and stops breathing. But I'm going to stay with it.

Yeah,I turn around too when someone turns purple. Since it happens so often in MMA and all.

It's as vicious as cockfighting, except you can't deep fry and eat the loser on a bun.

God,what an idiot.

[Mean]

Originally Posted by Nate_Deezy

Dude....the National Decapitation League would be BAD ASS.

You know when you laugh out loud and folks nearby ask what you are laughing at? This is not something you can just say out loud in response. But it's still funny.

Actually I thought the article was OK. There was enough balance in there for me.

G

[rugoatee]

Originally Posted by Mean

You know when you laugh out loud and folks nearby ask what you are laughing at? This is not something you can just say out loud in response. But it's still funny.

Actually I thought the article was OK. There was enough balance in there for me.

G

I agree. As far as no knowledge ass clowns that try to write on mma for the first time, I have read worse than this guy.

[scottsec]

Retard

[Lefthookstcrook]

Mixed martial arts, despite all the different techniques and moves, still resembles street brawling but with a few key rules to maintain some semblance of decency. For example, spitting officially is not allowed. Neither is "putting a finger into any orifice" of any opponent

But I'm sure we'll soon have a breakaway association that allows spitting and orifice poking. From there, we're just a short step from the machetes.

WOW what an idoit, funny how he convienently left out all the other rules eh.